Feeling baby for first time and feeling thankful

Everyone has been asking me if I've been feeling baby move. I had been having some "weird" feelings off and on, but none that I could distinctly say were baby. And, of course, the more people ask, the more worried I've gotten. Until this weekend...Daddy put his hand on my belly one night and we felt baby move for the first time. Very cool...and reassuring. Something to truly be thankful for on Thanksgiving weekend.

20 weeks - a boy's due in April!

Short update: we've been successful with this 4th round using donor egg and sperm. Baby and mom healthy with due date of April 1st.

Loving Her More Each Day

Baby Mamma is getting into this role more each day. She's welcoming (best word I could find, maybe "accepting" is better) the changes to her body and our budget and lifestyle.

This has been a tough journey so far but I know more is to come. I just know she is going to be a great mamma since she has a deep appreciation for the absurdities of life, in a calm moment she accepts the flaws of humanity, and she embraces the lessons of the journey.

This is why I love her endlessly without bounds.

- Baby Daddy

14w2d

Now entering the 2nd trimester, we've revealed the news to our employers. Everyone seems to be excited for us. I was glad to finally reveal so I could start wearing my maternity clothes! They are so much more comfortable. I think all pants should have that stretchy panel!

Got a card from a dear friend who says, "...Once you meet him/her you will realize why it was such a tough haul, cuz ya were meant to be this baby's mother..." - nearly made me cry as we really do feel that way. That all we went through, all the failed cycles and disappointments, brought us to this place that we never imagined we would go to. This one, very special, miracle baby, was meant just for us.

We've affectionately started calling the baby "monkey" - not sure why, but it's kinda stuck. We have a little stuffed monkey that Baby Daddy keeps pretending is the real baby. Monkey kinda makes me feel like it's a boy...sometimes we think girl, sometimes boy. Either way, we will trust that he/she is the baby meant for us, just like everything else in this process has gone.

Revealing the baby to the girls

Revealed to the girls tonight at dinner that they would be big sisters. Loved the stunned looks on their cute faces. "Huh?", they both asked.

My favorite quote of the night:

Younger girl: I hope the baby doesn't get lost.
Me: Yeah, me too.
Younger girl: But, if it does, maybe you can just adopt a baby.
Older girl: Oh no, that costs way too much money.
They have no idea!

Also, thought it was cute that they are so worried about being at the hospital at the time the baby is born. They want to make sure they are the first kids to hold the baby. Kept asking what would happen if they were in school when I go into labor. They want to make sure someone will come get them.

If the baby is a boy, they want to name it Lego. And came up with about 100 other names as well.

Younger girl: I hope the baby likes Legos.
Me: Oh yeah, it better!

Before we tucked them in for bed, younger girl tries to hear baby through my tummy and older girl pats my tummy to say goodnight to the baby.

Also, loved how over the course of the night their language went from "the baby" to "our baby".

Telling Baby Daddy's parents

Chromosone Testing

Today was ultrasound and bloodwork to test for Down's and other chromosone-related problems. We had a 30 minute ultrasound where we got to see the baby in various poses and moving about. Nuchal fold measurement was 1.5mm, which is considered very low risk for any problems. That, correlated with the bloodwork, showed that all is good and well and no worries. Yeah! Another milestone in the journey! Still hard to believe this is really happening this time.

First OB Appt

Had our first OB appointment today where we met with the nurse only - appt lasted for over 2 hours! They checked weight, history, answered our numerous questions and then time to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time. They use this handheld doppler thingy - the nurse warned us that it could take a few minutes to find baby's heartbeat. She began moving the probe around on my belly and I could hear all the girgling noises from my tummy, but nothing that sounded like a heartbeat to me - even though I wasn't even sure what I was listening for. Then, what seemed like an eternity went by as she continued to search and all we could hear was "stomach static". I began to panic. Why was it taking so long? Was something wrong? Had our baby died? Of course, all the worst-case scenarios ran through my head. The nurse gave up, but still seemed calm as she said she would try the ultrasound instead. We waited nervously as she got the machine, sets it up, etc. Then she started looking for baby and nothing. More panic. What is wrong? Baby Daddy knew I was in panic mode. Nurse said there is too much "tissue" in the way, which I think was the nice way of saying I was too fat. So, on to vaginal ultrasound. As soon as she was able to see baby and heartbeat, I began to cry tears of relief that all is well. This baby sure has tested us! Heartbeat looked strong and steady even though the machine didn't have ability to register rate. We even got to see baby move for the first time. Amazing!!!!

Telling family

With today being Labor Day, figured it was the perfect time to let grandma and brother in our little secret. Made frames with ultrasound pic for each of them to unwrap at the same time while we videoed their reaction. Both opened their boxes, looked at the picture, then turned and looked at each other's picture with confused looks on their faces. Baby Daddy and I sat there in disbelief that it was taking them so long to figure out what was going on. Finally, it clicked for them and then I think they both went into immediate shock. They asked when baby was due and when we said, "April Fools Day" they both thought we meant this whole thing was an April Fools joke. They both said Congrats while they finally let the news sink in. Later, in the kitchen, Grandma admitted she couldn't believe it as she had given up all hope of having grandchildren. Which we already knew from her endless comments about it!I think it will take some times for the news to really sink in.

9 week ultrasound

Had a reassuring appointment with doctor today (our last appointment with the fertility clinic - actually kinda sad that we've been going there for 21 months and now that part is over and we begin the next phase of the journey with a new doctor). Below is a picture of our little miracle. Still doesn't seem real after all we have been through, but we actually saw the baby move just a little during ultrasound today. Strong heartbeat continues at 169bpm. Crazy! We are planning to tell Grandma next week on Labor Day - figured that was perfect timing!

Not sure which way pic is supposed to go, but I think it needs to go 1 turn counterclockwise. If so, looks like baby has sunglasses and Santa hat on. Funny!

Sneak Peak!

Here's a lil' snapshot of our 9 week baby. Quick heartbeat of 160-something bpm and about 2cm in size. Things appear to be going well so far. I'm sure Baby Mamma will be posting more updates in the days and weeks to come.

With new protocol (due to donor egg and sperm, both frozen) we have to have daily progesterone injections in BM's lower back/hip/butt area. It is a huge needle sub-muscular (?) so the needle is long; it's akin to what is used for HCG injections. Fun times.

7w2d ultrasound

As I was getting ready to leave for doctor appointment, started red bleeding again. And again, panic set in. Why??????? Within an hour was in doctor's office sobbing. And, amazingly, ultrasound showed everything was just fine. All sizing was good. Even the spot that was showing as detached area with fluid last time, appeared to be gone. And, the best part....steady, strong heartbeat at 144bpm. (Acceptable range is 120-160). This baby is sure giving us a run for the money! And, of course, red bleeding has continued ever since the appointment, which doc says is expected.

Nightmares

Woke up several times last night with what felt like cramps...which of course led to panic setting in. Then proceeded to have two horrible dreams that I miscarried. Both were very graphic. Don't read further if you don't want to hear the details. The first was actually not too bad, just that I had gone to the bathroom and out poured some blood and I was trying to yell for Baby Daddy, but he wouldn't wake up. The second was much more intense, that I had gone to the bathroom and with no warning, starting miscarrying right then and there. The toilet filled completely with blood and then all the "parts" starting coming out all at once. All kinds of body parts. I knew the pregnancy was over and was once again absolutely devestated. Again, I tried to yell for Baby Daddy to come, but he was not hearing me. I awoke quickly and was terrified with not being able to tell what was a dream and what was reality. Luckily, it was all nightmare, but it prompted a whole day of obsessively checking for blood every time I went to the bathroom. Fun times! Tomorrow is 7-week ultrasound...stay tuned.

Nearly 7 weeks

Things have been going fairly smoothly this week. A little bit of brown spotting here and there. Some nausea but manageable. 4 more days til ultrasound.

FucRxers

Baby Mamma is on the phone tied up with her third or fourth series of calls with mail order, local pharmacies, and insurance companies.

Nothing but a bunch of twits who don't know anything of their own policies, system restrictions, etc.

Not to mention no acknowledgement of the importance of the timely receipt of meds.

$23 for expedited delivery - necessary due to someone in their office not calling her back in past days.

Lame... this lack of customer-focus is terrible.

1st Baby Ultrasound

Ultrasound today at 5weeks, 6 days showed HEARTBEAT!!! Wow!!!! Amazing, made me cry! Doc says bleeding could have been from intercourse earlier that day (no more of that!) or from an area where sac is not completely attached to uterus. Of course, that caused panic, but doc didn't seem to be too worried, but says we should have ultrasounds every 2 weeks to monitor. Ugh! Here is pic of the little one.

Quite a Scare

Had a terrible scare today when I went to use the bathroom at Starbucks and found blood. A tiny clot and then quite a bit when I wiped....freaked out. Ran out to tell Baby Daddy and started to panic. Had 2 more similiar episodes within an hour and spotting in between. Called the doctor and go for early ultrasound tomorrow. Why? Why can't this round just go smoothly?

Pregnancy Update

Hit the 5 week mark today. Still no signs of bleeding - so different from the previous 3 cycles. Thyroid tests all came back at optimum levels. I have to re-check every 4-6 weeks throughout pregnancy. Still hard to believe this is really happening. Hard to wait the 2 more weeks until ultrasound. Have a referral for a regular OB that I will call after the 7wk US. We will wait until at least 12 weeks, but trying to think of a creative way to let grandma and uncle know the news.

Continuing Success

HCG results came back at 302! Doc says that "is a nice rise". Yeah!!!! Yippee! Yahooie!!! Next appointment is the 7 week ultrasound on Aug 15th. No bleeding still....that has to be a good thing, right? Slight feelings of nauseous today....not sure if it's my imagination or the real thing. Still trying not to get too excited, but couldn't resist buying an adorable outfit today.

Success

BFP!!!
HCG results today show I'm pregnant with HCG level at 130. Can you believe it??? I'm afraid to believe or be too excited based on previous outcomes. So grateful that I've had no bleeding up to this point and take that as a really positive sign. Repeat HCG in 2 days. I want to be excited, but it is still sooo early in the game. Due date predictor shows as April 1, 2013. Really, April Fools Day??? Not sure how I feel about that given all we've been through! There is a sliver of me that is excited, but just too scared to let it sink in too much. We've been here before. Let us hold the vision of a beautiful baby on it's way into this world. After all we have been through, I hope I will treasure every last minute of it. YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tomorrow is the big day...

Roughly 14 hours until we find out if we are finally parents this time....Baby Daddy keeps asking if I think I'm pregnant....really don't know this time...sometimes I think yes, sometimes no. I want to believe I am, but just can't tell. Only symptom is really sore boobies - but I think that could be from the estrogen and progesterone too. No spotting or bleeding yet, which I am taking to be a good sign since I know I had some pre-beta test spotting at least one of the other times. Funny how all the details run together now - can't remember what happened when for the previous 3 cycles. I'm nervous for tomorrow - want the answer to be a yes, but am scared of it being no. Every time I think about it, I try to just keeping telling myself that it is up to God and it is completely out of my control. I doesn't matter how much I want it, wish it or believe it to be true. It will only be if it is meant to be. Will know tomorrow.

Obsessing

The obsessing has officially begun. Am I or not? Ugh....so tired of asking that darn question! Have begun searching the internet for how the process is different with donor eggs....how the blastocysts are graded - to see how the "good" one we got compares to others out there. Looking back at previous posts to see when the bleeding began on previous cycles. Looking for anything that might predict the outcome. It's madness, pure madness. There is nothing that will predict the outcome, yet I keep looking, wanting that reassurance that this time has worked. I try to just keep letting go, but that is so hard. I feel less hopeful than times before, but perhaps that's a coping mechanism. If I don't get the hopes up, they won't have as far to fall. Do I think positive or not???? Please stop the madness in my head....

Transfer and Wait

Got to transfer appointment on Saturday to learn that only 1 embryo was considered "good" for transfer. Super disappointed that using donor eggs and sperm left us with just 1 embryo. All 5 of the others were considered "poor" with only 2 of them having a 50/50 chance of catching up, which they ended up not being able to do. Good news is that the 1 we had was considered good, which is better than the ones we had last round as they were only considered "fair". All we need is one, so we are holding hope that this is our "lucky one".

Transfer itself went relatively well - not as smooth as last time - but better than the first 2 attempts.

Now, we wait until Monday's HCG test....the waiting game....once again.

Fertilization

Yesterday we found out that 6 of the eggs fertilized properly and today all 6 are still developing so we are on board for a Day 5 transfer. Yeah! Except that Baby Daddy won't be able to attend as he has another important comittment to attend to.

We're making a baby!

Sperm has arrived from Minnesota, eggs have arrived from Georgia - we're ready to make a baby! The last few weeks have been spent prepping my uterus by doing Lupron shots to suppress ovulation and using estrogen patches that go on my belly - 4 every other day - that leave fabulous sticky adhesive that is impossible to remove. Yesterday began the wonderful progesterone shots - very similiar to HCG shots which, as you know from earlier posts, are my favorite - NOT! Baby Daddy, on the other hand, loves giving me the shots, which are nightly this time around. 1 down and 83 to go! Yikes!

We got 8 eggs and found out today that all 8 survived the thaw process - the miracles have begun! We are so excited. Tomorrow we get to hear how many fertilized properly. Stay tuned!

The Journey Begins Anew...

Yes, here we are ready to embark on this voyage one more time. Never thought we'd be doing a 4th round, but here we are. Major difference this time: Donor eggs and donor sperm.

As Baby Daddy mentioned, we've spent the time since the last loss conferring with other docs and have had to overcome a few obstacles:

#1 - went in for routine mammogram and came out with a breast cancer scare! Had biopsy done that revealed no cause for concern. Whew!

#2 - Specialist in TN ordered more tests to rule out other conditions, most of which I don't even know what they are testing for at this point. All tests came back normal, but doctor suspected possible septum in the uterus.

#3 - went in for HSG to make sure no issues with my tubes. Test revealed something not as it should be so went in for more testing which revealed 2 polyps (but no septum) in the uterus. By this time, I'm thinking, "you have got to be kidding me! How can one person have so many issues?" Surgery one week later to remove polyps and doc says they went ahead and performed cosmetic surgery at same time to "optimize the shape of my uterus" by removing the area that was suspected to be septum. Have to say I am starting to really like anesthesia. Never had it before and have now had 4 surgeries this year!

So, finally greenlighted to proceed once again....next step: picking out our donors.

Never in a million years would I have guessed that I would be researching egg and sperm donors to be the genetic makeup for my baby. I thought it would be an overwhelming task, but all in all, it was actually fairly easy. We are using frozen eggs so not many choices once you filter for Caucasians with brown hair - maybe 30 at best. Narrowed it down to 6, but 1 stood out from the very beginning. It was the pic of her on a bike that stood out for Baby Daddy right away. Once I read her profile and noted so many similiarities between myself and her, I knew she was the one. But, just to be sure, I had to have my best friend read all 6 profiles independently and, of course, she picked the same one.

Now, as for the sperm, a little more difficult. First of all, 5 sperm banks to choose from, but 2-3 of them eliminated off the bat due to non user-friendly websites. Looking for sperm reminded me so much of searching dating websites. Many more profiles to search from and amazingly more information available from the male donors. Some have audio clips, which immediately helped eliminate a number of contenders. We had to spend a lot more time looking for the right donor, but then finally found the perfect match. There were 3 things that clenched it for me. The first two had to do with what he wrote in his profile. He told 2 stories that sounded amazingly similar to Baby Daddy. And thirdly, he had the most decent childhood picture - actually a really cute picture that just spoke to me.

Neither of our donors really look like either of us, but they both had qualities we see in each other and would want to pass on to our child. I feel amazingly content with our choices.

Lots of emotions in this process, but now that we are through it, it just seems right for some reason. Like it was meant to be that we are on this particular path.

picking out sperm

To keep you all up-to-date, we're getting geared up for another go-around.

This time, we're NOT going to use either of our genetic material.  Docs say this is a sure-fire way we'll be successful.  Also, we're going through extended tests and/or second or third opinions for BM to rule out any issues with womb or her system (ie. any other factors which could influence fertility or a pregnancy, including food allergies, etc.)

There's a lot more to add, however, we'll post more soon, I hope.  For now, we're each picking out sperm or eggs from donor lists at banks - no, they don't yet have ATMs for that - and viewing donor profiles and baby pics.  It's oddly similar (to me) to shopping online for a new car - comparing stats, comparing features and costs (of the cryobanks).

Gotta run - BM's home for lunch.

Miscarriage Again

Started miscarrying today at 11am...at work! No fun. First few hours were just like last time. Lots of blood and clots passing. Plus nausea, headache and cramps. Doc says I can monitor from home as long as everything stays stable and isn't worse than last time. Go for blooddraw tomorrow to make sure HCG is going down and all systems are stable. Things have slowed down and gotten progressively better during the evening hours. Still sucks big time!

Disappointing News

Today's ultrasound and blooddraw revealed: HCG still rising...1435 now, but it should be close to 4,000 and ultrasound showed gestational sac, but yolk sac and embryo pole should have been present at this point. Doc says little hope. Prepare for miscarriage.

Waiting for tomorrow

So, ultrasound tomorrow at 8:30 should give us a better idea of what is going on. Am I prego or what? Don't know if I am imaginging (or hoping), but think I might be starting to feel some pregnancy symptoms - sore boobies, tiredness, some nausea-like feelings, couple headaches. Nothing major, but every little feeling I have makes me wonder what it is. Still have the ongoing bleeding dilemma - going on 10 days of red bleeding now. No real cramping or tissue passage though. Have spent some time nearly every day researching possible reasons - it's actually quite amazing how many different causes there are for 1st trimester bleeding. I am now thinking I am having "decidual bleeding". Love how the internet helps you diagnose these things. Praying and hoping that doctor visit will reveal that our baby miracle is alive and thriving.

the ups and downs are brutal

Just a warning to all potential IVF/ART couples. If having a baby or no baby could make or break your marriage/relationship, the pursuit of one may just do that.

The roughly $50K, three cycles (the third is ongoing currently - more on that later) a months into this, has strained our relationship at times and strengthened it in others.

That's all I will say about it right now. In short, finances are a big part for me. I was laid off midway down this path and have supported this latest run on credit cards ranging 6.9-9.99% APR. I had expected to find permanent employment by now (working temp FT positions since March 2011) assuming once things stabilized then we'd still be on-track. Now comes the possibility the money's gone and we haven't achieved success.

I do not say this as a "woe is me" but more as a warning note to others considering this path. Also, if offered, do seriously consider the "multi-plans" or rebate programs offered by your IVF/ART clinic. I/we could have received $20K or so back if our three cycles failed. I think we strongly believed our 1-in-4 chances (live birth) would tilt in our favor if we only believed strong enough. In a clear moment, I know with IVF/ART, much like gamblers in Vegas, they don't take the bus home broke (or not get a baby) because they didn't believe it strong enough.

As for what I mentioned about the ongoing cycle, we have found out it is possible to be "sort of" pregnant. Or at least, the HCG tests have been in the zone (except one, I believe the 2nd) but there is some persistent bleeding. What this means, we don't know yet. Brutal wait for ultrasound this coming Monday.

Stay tuned.

Ups and Downs Continue

Ok, this is the craziest journey I have ever been on!!! Went in for another HCG test today to verify that number is going back down and was in shock when nurse called to say that number had risen to 904! What the heck is going on? Why all the ups and downs? I've already grieved the loss of this baby and have started researching our next step - donor eggs. I don't "feel" pregnant anymore. The bleeding has slowed down considerably today. What does that mean? I am driving myself and Baby Daddy crazy with searching the internet every night looking for answers. This is enough to drive someone mad! Nurse suggested possible ectopic, but from everything I read, that doesn't seem to describe what's going on.

Horribleness

I've been in bed for the last 22 hrs and don't want to get out. Don't want to be awake. Don't want to face reality. Why? Why is this happening to me? Why am I the one who is not able to have her own babies? I feel cheated. My dream has always been to be married and have a few babies, but that dream has always eluded me and now I feel like it's gone forever. Went through 68 fucking eggs and 18 embryos and not 1 turned into a baby. Not one.

Miracle came and gone...

HCG test: 350...not good...needed a minimum of 390. And to top it off, red bleeding started yesterday and has gotten worse...unfreaking believable! How could this be? Looks like my dream of being a mom to my own child is gone. Only hope now to carry a baby is to go to donor eggs. Don't have words to describe the level of sadness and loss that I feel. Eating ice cream and going to bed.

HCG Results

HCG came back 195! Yeah!!! Go back fore repeat test again on Saturday. Bleeding continues, but seems to have lessened a bit.

Praying for continued miracle

Go for repeat HCG test tomorrow morning. Praying for a continued miracle. Have driven myself crazy over the past 2 nights researching explanations for the bleeding. It seems to have slowed down now (thankfully!!!!) and my current theory is Vanishing Twin Syndrome, thinking we lost one of the babies. Turns out about 20-30% of women experience 1st trimester bleeding in some form. About 50% go on to have healthy pregnancies. We hold this vision of healthy babies.

Craziness Continues

Yesterday there was no doubt in my mind that we had lost the babies, but went for pregnancy test anyways. We had hoped and prayed for a miracle and got it today when nurse called and said HCG level was 109! What? How? Felt numb...couldn't even feel excited after the ordeal of the weekend...immediately dropped to my knees and thanked God for the miracle though. Bleeding continues however. Every time I go to the bathroom I am scared at what I might find. It's madness really.

Devastated Again...

One day til pregnancy test, but no real reason to take it. Started with brown spotting on Friday night and has gotten progressively worse...we've lost another set of babies. How can this be???? We've now flushed $50K down the toilet...literally...I am in shock. I've always thought I'd be a mother and now I feel like it just was never meant to be. WHY????????????????????????????
Don't even know where to go from here. I guess all the years of hoping, praying, believing....did me absolutely no good. I had a dream and believed in it and never gave up hope....for what? All it did was leave me feeling more hopeless than ever. What did this positive attitude get me? Nothing! Absolutely nothing! Except a huge financial debt.

Just A Waiting Game

9 days post-retrieval and 5 days until pregnancy test....man this sucks! Every day is spent wondering, "yes or no"? Some days I "feel" pregnant and others not, even though I know technically, I shouldn't feel anything at this point. Every little twinge in my body makes me wonder if it has something to do with the babies. I keep having this "knowing" feeling, but I'm also afraid that it could just be false hope that I'm feeling. And, I keep thinking its twins this time too. Wow, what a miracle that would be. Anxious for Monday's results and have to just keep letting the thinking and wondering go and trusting that everything is unfolding just as it should. Trusting that this is all part of the plan. That whether I am or not, it's meant to be. To quote my favorite bible verse as it comes to mind as I type this: "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

No Cryo this time either

Learned early this morning that 3rd embryo didn't make it. Man, these things are sure delicate. Amazing that any of them actually end up creating real babies! We've now gone through 68 eggs to get just 2 viable embryos....We had hoped to have "leftovers" to put in the freezer, but we are holding the vision that these 2 will take and that's all we need...and will be able to handle!

By a fluke, ended up seeing "Jack and Jill" last night...comedy about 2 twins...kind of ironic that we ended up in that movie the day we transferred our 2 little embyros. Then, saw a set of twins at the grocery store today. Are these signs? We certainly weren't going for twins, but if that is the plan, we are on board. Remind me of that 9 months down the road!

It's hard not to worry about what's happening with them. Driving myself crazy researching various things on the Internet....as if that would matter. Moreso this round than any other, I have to just keep reminding myself that I am not in control and that what is meant to be, will be. If God and the Universe want us to have these babies, we will. If not, we won't. Not really anything either of can do to influence the outcome. On one hand, that sucks. And, on the other, it's a relief. Just trying to keep trusting that all of this is happening for some amazing reason that we are not privy to just yet.

Successful Transfer

Arrived at the lab today to learn that we had 3 embryos still developing. The other 5 arrested sometime after Day 3. Two of the embryos were ripe and ready with "Good" scores. The other one slightly behind in development so letting it go 1 more day to see if viable for freezing. The transfer itself went very smoothly this time. I think it's because it was our doctor performing the procedure. Only problem was super full bladder so super uncomfortable through procedure. Now, just waiting for the babies to implant which supposedly could start as soon as within hours of transfer. Amazing miracles these embryos are!

Looking towards transfer

Got the news today that transfer is set for 11:30 on Saturday with accupuncture both before and after. And our doctor is doing the transfer, which relieves me a bunch considering that the last 2 transfers weren't as smooth as we had hoped for. They say all 8 are still developing as of today, but we won't get another update about numbers or quality until we arrive on Saturday, which is really nerve-racking! Don't know why they hold you in suspense like that! We continue to remain positive and trust that all is well with our babies.

Going for Day 5

Saturday will be our transfer day. It's day 5. We had 5 of 8 embryos looking good on day 3, so I think that prompted docs to push for day 5.

The two other cycles we did day 3 since there were only a few viable embryos that day. This time is a different story. I guess now we might actually be faced with the option of freezing embryos, perhaps.

The "logic" for waiting until day 5 is also to see if all survive until day 5. I so, then we transfer the hardiest of the bunch.

More later. I'm going to keep Baby Mamma company - she's gone to rest.

Fertilization Report

14 mature eggs and 8 successfully fertilized! We have 8 babies growing in the lab - amazing!!! Better than both previous attempts. I feel like I have to give credit to the 3 months of accupuncture I have done. We are super anxious about tomorrow's report and whether or not the lab will recommend a Day 3 or Day 5 transfer. And, if they recommend Day 3, do we opt to go to Day 5 anyway. I've done so much research on the topic and it seems to be inconclusive and heavily debated. Best case scenario is that all 8 are doing fabulous tomorrow and we have to go to Day 5, thus eliminating any decision on our part. In the end, it's all up to God anyway...we just think we have some control in the matter. However, I must say I do "feel" differently this round, and can't quite put my finger on it, but I feel like I have more of a "knowing" feeling that this time will be successful. And, of course, I'm afraid to say it out loud, fearing that I will jinx it. And, once again forgetting, that God is in control and already knows exactly what the outcome will be. Hate it that He knows and we don't! We continue to remember to let go time and time again.

Retrieval

27 eggs!!!!

Day 9 Appointment

Looks like we are now ready to go....1 more day pushed another group of eggs into right size category so doc says we are good to go for Monday retrieval. Had to rush home tonight to do HCG injection right at 8:30. Only had a few minutes to prep so no time to panic like the other 2 cycles. Once again, Baby Daddy pulled through.

Day 8 Meltdown

I haven't cried once during this cycle...so it all came out today. Started with Baby Daddy getting pink eye yesterday and me being super paranoid about getting sick...then having a feeling that I had already ovulated and lost all the eggs - kept me up all night thinking about it - my stomach had been so bloated and sore and now seemed back to normal - I was so sure the eggs were gone. Then major traffic on way to appointment so I was 20 mins late. By the time I got in with the acupuncturist, I broke down. She is fabulous and was so supportive. Turns out the eggs are fine - 15 or so of them at the right size for today, but doc wants to go 1-2 more days to see if we can get more. What??? We were all ready for Sunday retrieval! Once again, plans changed.

Day 3 appointment

Today was Day 3 bloodwork, ultrasound and acupuncture. Triple whammy! I am 1-2 days ahead of schedule, which I had already suspected based on the size of my distended tummy! 15 eggs at the right size and 11 more close behind. Wow, 26!

Baby Daddy had to go in for bloodwork yesterday and fainted in the doctor's office! Seriously??? Hard to have any sympathy for him since I've been doing 3-4 shots a night and have had blood drawn probably at least 50 times this past year for various reasons.

Looks like retrieval will be Sunday with transfer likely on Wednesday. Getting closer to our dream of having a baby of our own.

Baby 3.0

Suppression check today and... green light, go! Yeah! 15 follicles at this point. Same starting number as last cycle. Start stim meds tonight. Starting to get excited again. Not sure why, but I have a more positive feeling going into this cycle. Perhaps it's been the 3+ months of weekly accupuncture appointments??? Perhaps it's just our time....for a miracle.

As they say...3rd time is a charm!

Here we are...5 months post-miscarriage (hard to believe that much time has gone by) and we are about to start our 3rd IVF cycle. We've been on this journey for well over a year now...never thought we would still be at Square 1 at this point.

We've started each cycle with a different set of emotions. This one seems to be a mix of hope and hesitancy. We never imagined we would go through 41 eggs and 10 embryos with no success. That's the equivalent of 3.5 years of trying. Wow! I want to be hopeful and think positively and at the same time am scared to have too much hope, for the fall from hope is so painful.

I think I am closer to acceptance of "what will be, will be" this time. It's really up to God. Medical science alone has not worked up to this point. What we really need is a miracle. We ask and pray for that miracle and trust in God's answer.