Obsessing

The obsessing has officially begun. Am I or not? Ugh....so tired of asking that darn question! Have begun searching the internet for how the process is different with donor eggs....how the blastocysts are graded - to see how the "good" one we got compares to others out there. Looking back at previous posts to see when the bleeding began on previous cycles. Looking for anything that might predict the outcome. It's madness, pure madness. There is nothing that will predict the outcome, yet I keep looking, wanting that reassurance that this time has worked. I try to just keep letting go, but that is so hard. I feel less hopeful than times before, but perhaps that's a coping mechanism. If I don't get the hopes up, they won't have as far to fall. Do I think positive or not???? Please stop the madness in my head....