Another round on the rollercoaster

Sailed through the weekend feeling really good about being pregnant. Then Monday hit and the rollercoaster takes a nose dive....As I was just about to call the doctor to make my 6 week US appointment, I headed to the bathroom first....only to find red blood and a fair amount of it. My heart sank as I knew this wasn't good and was likely the start of a miscarriage. Called the doc and they said that was likely the case as well, but to come in for another HCG test to confirm. Why bother, I thought. What's the point? It's over.

Back to the internet...this time to research miscarriage and what I can expect to happen. The doctor said to expect a really heavy period. I was imagining last time and it wasn't pretty. In retrospect, I think I may have been pregnant and miscarried earlier. So, I was imagaining the same, only worse since I'm farther along. I was scared to go to bed - afraid I would wake up in the middle of the night with horrible cramping and everything coming out at once. All the internet stories freaked me out.

But, Tuesday came and no more blood. Nothing since that Monday bathroom incident. How could this be? What the heck is going on?

The nurse calls and says HCG is progressing normally...now at 801! What??? This is madness. Everyone says you can't be sort-of pregnant, you either are or you are not. Well, I feel only sorta pregnant. One day I am , the next, I'm not. Should I go back to being hopeful??? I'm scared to have hope again.

Two hours later...another red blood episode...exact same thing as yesterday. But now, it's been 4 hours since and nothing. I guess this just goes to show that it is all out of my control. There is nothing I can do. If it's meant to be, it will be. If it's not, then well, it's not. I don't even feel like I have any emotion about it today. I've become numb. Too scared to move in either direction for fear the tide will turn yet again.

Doc says they really won't know anything until they do an ultrasound. Appointment is set for Sept 9th....10 days away....we go into another holding pattern.